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‘Go on up, make yourself at home, slap me about a bit more. And I’ll make us a nice cup of tea, shall I?’ ‘Why the fuck can’t you—ow—put any lights on?’ ‘Because,’ he said with a heavy sigh, making me squeak as his hands looped around my waist, ‘some of us can see perfectly well in the dark. Come on.’ Hauling me upright, he frogmarched me up the stairs and into the flat, only then pausing to flip on a light switch. I blinked hard, momentarily blinded. ‘I didn’t think you’d really be in bed,’ I muttered as he tugged my coat from my shoulders and hung it up with his jacket. ‘I thought…’ I squinted around the room, searching for evidence he hadn’t really turned in for the night, glancing at the battered brown leather sofas, strewn with newspapers as usual, the multitude of discarded mugs on the coffee table and finally at the overflowing bookcase on the far wall, legal tomes and paperback thrillers contending for shelf space. No clues here. Drew only tidied up on very special. But go ahead. Let me hear it. Tell me about your sexual fantasies.’ Oddly, I’m thrilled you’re requesting to learn about my sexual insights. I feel like a child impatiently waiting and wanting to blurt out a whopping fish story of my carnal yearnings. But rather than babbling a long list of wishful ideas, I decide to try another approach, which would be to summarize it more concisely. ‘What do I like about sex?’ I reply. ‘I love to get sucked!’ ‘Is that it?’ you ask. ‘Is that all?’ you say, obviously doubting me and not very convinced it could be so simple. ‘No.’ I grin. ‘There’s more, a lot more. But I believe getting lots and lots of blowjobs and handjobs is the key–the secret to unlocking my passion!’ ‘Oh my my! You horny guy,’ you say with a laugh. Then with a bewildering expression, you make the following remarks: ‘But I don’t really get the big attraction to it. Why is it that all you guys are so hooked on oral and anal sex anyway? So what’s the big deal about it?’ ‘Anal sex?’.
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